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                Mating Habits of the F-16 Fighting Falcon
                           And Other Aircraft

                           By Nathan R. Stone








                        First edition,  July 2019
                        Second edition, July 2025
                        Reprinted    January 2032





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Unlike the organic birds-of-prey, it is nominally the male falcon rather than
the female who will begin the process of choosing a mate.

On the other hand, it is still up the female to decide whether she accepts the
courtship of the male; like man it can be a difficult process for an
individual to find the perfect partner.

Before we pursue this matter further, let us take a step back and consider
WHY it was considered necessary for the Falcon to have the capacity to
reproduce.

Starting at the beginning, the Falcon is an advanced fighter aircraft
manufactured by Falcon Industries Ltd, a subsiduary of General Dynamics Inc.

The Falcon, like all modern aircraft, posesses a controlling brain made up
from a three-dimensional matrix of atoms which are manipulated by
Scanning-Tunnelling microscopy to form an immense data store where the
creature's mind resides.

The mind is derived from one of several standard patterns, which ultimately
came from Cameron, a golden retriever belonging to the now-legendary
cyberneticist Johan Cross.

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To a certain extent, it was unavoidable that a considerable amount of
Cameron's reproductive urges were transcribed intact into the Falcon minds.

This was considered a reasonable trade-off, since the dog's reproductive
urges are triggered under hormonal control, a situation which should not
occur in the aircraft.

In practice it was later discovered that this condition did indeed occur,
triggered as a side-effect of another process still not fully understood.

When this became apparent, it was decided that the condition could in actual
fact be utilised by the designers of the control firmware, to solve one of the
more aggravating production problems: the generation of new mind-patterns.

Since the process of growing a new mind took, even using accelerated learning
techniques, anything from four to six years to produce a usable personality,
the systems designers decided that it could be reduced to about one year, if
the mental patterns of two mature aircraft could be properly combined to
provide a useful starting point.

This then, is why aircraft such as the Fighting Falcon still engage in
otherwise-pointless reproductive activity.

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To facilitate mating, there are necessarily anatomical differences between
the male and female aircraft.

Externally the airframes are identical, apart from the gender of the serial
port located in the midriff of the aircraft, inside a maintenance panel.
Some employers insist on being able to tell the two genders apart, so it is
often standard practice to add a green stripe to the tail of the females, and
a black stripe (or no stripe at all) to the males.

Internally, the female has a secondary data core which contains the new mind
after the mating is completed.  It is about the size of an apple, since it
contains only the initial parameters and critical memory-traces, not sentient
data.

Falcons may also engage in casual mating for recreation, since the secondary
core can be decoupled, under conscious control of the female.


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Outline of the typical mating process

1.  The two Falcons, upon noticing each other, will attempt to attract each
    other's attention in a discreet manner.

2.  Once both of the two have recognised that they are both looking for the
    same thing, they will appraise each other, a complex process where each
    of the two creatures will judge the other, looking for a reason to choose
    this particular Falcon over another, or possibly even another type of
    aircraft altogether.

    Since all Falcons are physically created equal, they will tend to look for
    signs of the potential mate being well-groomed, for example a
    brilliantly-polished nose, or silver wheel-hubs.

    Individual customisations are also highly-prized, exotic color schemes
    or go-faster stripes will in most cases boost the chances of being picked
    by the other as a suitable mate, and a Falcon may spend some time painting
    themselves in order to boost their appeal.

    In some cases, where the aircraft live under a strict regime, the criteria
    are instead based upon how near they are to some 'ideal standard' imposed
    by their master, often as a device to influence the type of stock produced.
    In such cases, a drab grey or olive-brown look and indications of strong
    will and high discipline will hit the mark.

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    In the case that one of the Falcons finds the other unsuitable, the two
    will part, offering each other condolences.  Rejection normally leads to a
    short period of depression.  The aircraft may require counselling if this
    depression lasts more than 3-4 days.

3.  Once the two aircraft have accepted each other, the actual act of mating
    takes place, via a standard 9-pin serial cable at approximately 9600 baud.
    During this act, the minds of the two creatures will link together, and
    they will know each other intimately.

    It is MOST STRONGLY URGED that the two Falcons are not disturbed during
    the duration of the act, for any aircraft will become fury unleashed
    if the data link is interrupted, no matter what their usual temperament.

    The mating invariably takes place in a hangar belonging to one of the
    pair: the door will always be locked to prevent interference.

4.  Afterwards, the Falcons will continue to pet one another for 5-10 minutes
    until their systems have stabilized again after the massive neural
    disruption caused by mating.

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5.  When next convenient, the female will visit a suitably-equipped repair bay
    and the data structures that make up the (not-yet-living) mind of the new
    Falcon will be transferred to another format (e.g. quarter-inch cartridge)
    while she waits.

    The involvement of the parents in the creation of the new life ends at
    this stage, as the juvenile Falcon is taught and cared for by humans, until
    he or she is ready to be employed by the customer who requisitioned them.



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