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    Weekly News - 3rd April 1322 in the year of Our Lord


  EVIL DWARF NAMED AND SHAMED

  A dwarf known as 'Rumpel-Stiltskin' was foiled thursday
  when he was publicly named as being responsible for the
  royal-heir custody battle.  Stiltskin was poised to become
  legal guardian of the Queen's daughter in exchange for some
  contract work two years earlier, but was thwarted by an
  exemption clause in the small-print which voided payment if
  she could state his true name in the three-day run-up.

  Queen Shara was quoted as being 'muchly relieved' after
  learning the dwarf's true name from a wise fox, and quashed
  speculation that she had sold her second, as yet unborn child
  to the fox in order to save the heir to the throne.

  Her Majesty declined to comment on persistent rumours that
  she had acceded to the throne only with help from the dwarf
  in the Straw-into-Gold scandal of 1320.
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  Stiltskin, 203, who smashed his way through the castle floor
  in rage after his narrow defeat, told the courtiers that he
  was 'gutted' and would be appealing to the Lord GOD in an
  attempt to win back custody of the child.
  
    - Jacob and Wilheim Grimm, home affairs correspondents

  JESUS SAYS TITHES TO RISE AGAIN, AMNESTY ENDS

  Our Saviour Crucified announced this morning that tithings to
  the Church would be increased to a record high of
  one-part-of-every-three.  Gasps of dismay were heard from the
  poor, but the Lord Jesus reminded the congregation that the
  tithes are necessary for the greater glory of the LORD, and
  that free passage to heaven depends upon surrendering all
  worldly goods to the Church.

  When asked for His comments, Jesus added:
  "Some of you may be aware of the amnesty against blasphemy.
   There have been few eviscerations.  I must remind all that
   this leniency will end on Easter Monday."

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