[page="start"]

[colour="#808080"]
You see a young man dressed in a ludicrous costume.
He is carrying a bladder on a stick, and watches you
with intelligent eyes.
[colour="#ffffff"]

"Hello, $PLAYER."

[link="Who are you?"]
[linkto="who"]
[link="How do you know my name?"]
[linkto="how_name"]
[link="Goodbye"]
[linkto="bye"]
[endpage]


[page="startname"]
[colour="#808080"]
You see Bertrand the Jester.
[colour="#ffffff"]

"Hello, again.  I trust you are well?"

[link="What do you do?"]
[linkto="job"]
[link="Tell me about the King."]
[linkto="king"]
[link="Say something funny!"]
[linkto="joke"]
[link="Do something funny!"]
[linkto="perform"]
[link="Goodbye"]
[linkto="bye"]
[endpage]


[page="how_name"]

"Oh, you know..  Word gets around."

[link="Who are you?"]
[linkto="who"]
[link="What do you do?"]
[linkto="job"]
[link="Tell me about the King."]
[linkto="king"]
[link="Goodbye"]
[linkto="bye"]
[endpage]


[page="who"]

"I'm Bertrand, court fool to his Majesty, King Edwyg the
 Generous."

[learn_name]
[link="Is the King generous?"]
[linkto="king"]
[link="Say something funny!"]
[linkto="joke"]
[link="Do something funny!"]
[linkto="perform"]
[link="Goodbye"]
[linkto="bye"]
[endpage]


[page="king"]

"He is a good man, a very wise and fair King who cares
 a great deal about the plight of his subjects.

 His taxes are fairly imposed, with the rich paying more
 and the impoverished paying far less, or nothing.

 A good amount of his personal wealth is given to the
 needy and he pays for the poor to be healed.

 'Edwyg the generous' is a name given by his subjects."

[link="Say something funny!"]
[linkto="joke"]
[link="Do something funny!"]
[linkto="perform"]
[link="Goodbye"]
[linkto="bye"]
[endpage]


[page="perform"]
[random_page="perform 00 04"]
[endpage]


[page="perform00"]
[iftime "0000-0800"][goto="perform01"]
[iftime "1200-1314"][goto="perform01"]
[iftime "1900-2359"][goto="perform01"]

[colour="#808080"]
The jester prances crazily around the throne room, acting
out caricatures of everybody present..

This raises some scowls and grunts of irritation, but a
wry smile appears on the King's lips.
[colour="#ffffff"]

[append="perform_core"]
[endpage]


[page="perform01"]

[colour="#808080"]
The jester jumps high in the air, and quickly folds his
legs into the lotus position before landing heavily.

Still in the lotus position, he bounces around the
room for a little while more, before standing up and
dusting himself off.
[colour="#ffffff"]

[append="perform_core"]
[endpage]


[page="perform02"]

[colour="#808080"]
The jester does a series of stunning cartwheels before
finally crashing into a wall.
[colour="#ffffff"]

[append="perform_core"]
[endpage]


[page="perform03"]

[colour="#808080"]
The jester takes a large hammer and goes hunting spiders.
[colour="#ffffff"]

[append="perform_core"]
[endpage]


[page="perform04"]

[colour="#808080"]
The jester ties both his feet together and walks around
on his hands.  Then he ties his hands together and
writhes around on the floor.
[colour="#ffffff"]

[append="perform_core"]
[endpage]



[page="perform_core"]
[link="Say something funny!"]
[linkto="joke"]
[link="Do something funny!"]
[linkto="perform"]
[link="Goodbye"]
[linkto="bye"]
[endpage]


[page="job"]

"I'm the court fool.  Jester to the King, and all-round
 harmless idiot."

[link="Say something funny!"]
[linkto="joke"]
[link="Do something funny!"]
[linkto="perform"]
[link="Goodbye"]
[linkto="bye"]
[endpage]



[page="joke_old"]

"No!  That's not what it's all about!
 My role is to poke holes in customs, to point out the
 absurdity of traditions..  I don't do one-liners.

 Once, I broke into the King's treasure vault, and shaped
 all the piles of money into a smiley face.."

[link="Goodbye"]
[linkto="bye"]
[endpage]


[page="joke"]
[random_page="joke 00 04"]
[endpage]


[page="joke00"]

"Once, I broke into the King's treasure vault, and shaped
 all the piles of money into a huge smiley face.."

[append="joke_core"]
[endpage]


[page="joke01"]
[colour="#808080"]
The jester holds a short dialogue in two silly voices.
[colour="#ffffff"]

"ABCD gol'fish?"

"MNO gol'fish."

"SDR gol'fish!"

"RDR gol'fish.."

[append="joke_core"]
[endpage]


[page="joke02"]

"Tie your shoelaces together.. AND BE FREE!"

[append="joke_core"]
[endpage]


[page="joke03"]

"When you pirate MP3s, you're downloading SATANISM!"

[link="WHAT?!?"]
[linkto="outofplace"]
[append="joke_core"]
[endpage]


[page="joke04"]

"Peter piper picked a pep of pickled pepper.
 Peter pepper pipped a pic of pippled pecker.
 Peter picked a pipple pec of peppled pip.."

[append="joke_core"]
[endpage]


[page="joke_core"]
[link="Say something funny!"]
[linkto="joke"]
[link="Do something funny!"]
[linkto="perform"]
[link="Goodbye"]
[linkto="bye"]
[endpage]



[page="outofplace"]
[colour="#808080"]
The jester's eyes bulge and he covers his mouth.
[colour="#ffffff"]

"Don't tell the Church I said that, for God's sake!
 They'd kill me!"

[link="How can.. What do you know about MP3s?"]
[linkto="outofplace2"]
[link="Do something funny!"]
[linkto="perform"]
[link="Goodbye"]
[linkto="bye"]
[endpage]


[page="outofplace2"]

"I used to be a respected scholar.  I have studied many
 forbidden things.. In my past I knew people who
 collected Elder relics and could use some of them.

 But the Church found out, and the LORD cast me down.
 He made me into a Jester, to be scorned and scoffed at
 by all.

 The Church rarely forgives.  If they think I still crave
 the Ancient ways, they will not spare my life again.."

[link="Tell me about the Ancients."]
[linkto="outofplace3"]
[link="Do something funny!"]
[linkto="perform"]
[link="Goodbye"]
[linkto="bye"]
[endpage]


[page="outofplace3"]

"The Ancients knew a great deal.  It is said they could
 make metal fly, and I know for a fact they preserved
 music and speech on little squares of shiny material.

 Apparently, it was possible for one with knowledge to
 freely obtain any writing or music they desired.
 Some people disapproved.. even before the Church..
 That is what the joke was referring to.

 If you would know more of the Ancients, speak to
 Joachim the King's Sorcerer.  But be careful.. It is
 dangerous to mention such things out loud."

[link="Do something funny!"]
[linkto="perform"]
[link="Goodbye"]
[linkto="bye"]
[endpage]


[page="painter"]

"Yes, there was a master painter.
 Giotto Franccini was his name.  He painted many holy
 works, most of which adorn the walls of Avignon
 Cathedral itself.
 
 But it was his master work that proved his undoing."

[link="Tell me about Franccini's master work."]
[linkto="painter2"]
[link="Goodbye"]
[linkto="bye"]
[endpage]


[page="painter2"]

"He painted it in secret.  It took many years to perfect.
 Beautiful it was, but terrible.  I was there when they
 unveiled at New Avignon.

 Franccini's canvas portrayed the conception of Christ.
 It showed the Mother Mary lying with a large white dove.
 
 You should have seen the Pope's face when they unveiled
 THAT in front of him!"

[link="What happened then?"]
[linkto="painter3"]
[link="Goodbye"]
[linkto="bye"]
[endpage]


[page="painter3"]
 
"At the hands of the Protectorate, Giotto confessed that
 he had made a pact with devils to further his skill, and
 so he was later burned alive for his crimes.

 The blasphemous work was to be burned with him, but it 
 was taken by unknown persons and never recovered.

 Some say that the Devil himself rescued the painting."

[link="Goodbye"]
[linkto="bye"]
[endpage]



[page="bye"]

"Fare well."

[nextpage="exit"]
[endpage]